I have been working on copying / recreating the family scrapbooks for the Ex for Christmas. It's only fair- we should both have them, and there is only one copy of each. I don't mind and I think it's a nice thing to do...
But I discovered something amazing and intensely sad and... I don't even know what emotions to relate to it...
The last day that I scrapbooked- after years and years of chronicling every singe day- the last thing I made a page for was S. Right when my ex started everything. Thats when our happy life stopped. That's when we started living in chaos and I started going crazy and I started resenting him more and more for what he was doing and trying to get me to do.
That's when my inability to say no and my desire to just make everyone happy began to result in my enabling him to make terrible choices and I started hating him for not caring enough about me to make different ones. Everyone was to blame. But that is it. That is the day everything stopped. I hadn't even realized that the scrapbooks stopped that day, as well.
It is so sad.
But also very eye opening.
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