Molehills

Last night, I went to a meeting. It was very small. Only 4 of us, and 2 newcomers- a couple. 

We went around the room and shared. * brought the program, and I swear, he talked for 20 minutes or longer. He always goes on and on, but tonight it was particularly long... When he was done, I went first. I talked a little about what he had spoken on- taking the program little by little, not thinking you could do it all in a week, or all by yourself, etc... Then I told the story about the lawn mower breaking down, and calling D&F. The next person talked about falling away from the program if she stays away too long. The next woman was struggling with being depressed and trying to not isolate. The last person was * and she rambled about her mother, brother and lawyers like she does every time. 

When it was the newcomers turn, he said, “I have been sitting here listening to all of you talk about your “problems”, and I’m sorry, but- y’all just have molehills. WE have a mountain!” And then he went on and on about how horrible their lives were and how they were trapped by their daughters drinking and they had to stay involved to keep their granddaughter safe. I understood how painful and frustrating it has to be. He went on about how they came there to find someone who understood and could tell them how to FIX it. He kept saying that we couldn’t possibly help him, because none of us could understand their pain, and that wheat they were going through was so REAL and the rest of us couldn't understand. 

Their daughter is a fall down, passed out by 11am, DUI, lost her license, getting arrested drunk. They feel that they can’t go on vacation, or even hardly out to dinner, because they have to stay nearby incase the daughter gets drunk and something happens to the granddaughter. They have to drive her to school. The daughter has lost her license, so IF she is going to work, they will have to drive her. They feel trapped in their home, and trapped by fear and anxiety. They have to always answer the phone, because it might be the granddaughter calling for help. They have lost their free time- their lives, really... And they are angry. Well, HE’S angry. She sniffled, and never spoke. He didn’t let her... 

I sat there, literally swaying between 2 completely opposite thoughts... IN one moment, I would be completely compassionate. I would hurt for these people- obviously so angry, so hurt, so scared, so TIRED... I understood completely. It was one of the hardest Newcomer shares I have ever heard... But then in the next instant, I would be almost angry- How dare he walk in here and tell the rest of us that he have no problems?! He was listening to people who have been in the program from 2-20 years. He has no idea where we came from. Just because my life wasn't in shambles today doesn't mean that it wasn't once... It doesn't mean that I can't understand where yours is today.

We all stayed after and talked to them for a while... They have been on my mind a great deal. Still- back and forth between being offended and having pity...