Marble 7

OK, I need to explain this week's marble... There isn't really a lot to tell... 

This week the picture of the marble is on my pillow. 

I really didn't do too well last week. I went someplace almost every day, and I learned some good lessons... But every single day, I couldn't get out of bed until almost 11. I tried. I got up at 6 and got the girls up, and drove M to school. Then I would come home and lay back down, which I think is acceptable when I didn't get to sleep until 1 or 2am. I would set the alarm for 9:30am every day. And every day, I would hit snooze. The moment the alarm sounded, I would be filled with so much anxiety- so much dread for the day to come. I would lay there and rationalize- I would list the things I had to do that day and tell myself that none of them were that hard or that big of a deal. If I just got up and DID the things I needed to do, I would feel so much better. But the fear kept me paralyzed, and I just couldn't get up until either I felt so disgusted with myself for still being there that I got up, or a few days, I had a meeting at noon, so I had to get ready. All in all, it wound up being about 11 every single day. A few days this week, I would be so incredibly tired by only 2 or 3 in the afternoon that I actually  laid back down and took a nap before picking up M. I don't' even know why. I do know that I really, really felt like I was starting to get sick last week, so maybe I am still fighting that off. But mostly, I think it is just depression making me feel tired. 

This is why I want a job so badly. Just staying here every single day all by myself without anything to really do is just driving me mad. I can stay in bed until 11 because I CAN. If I had a job, I would have to get up, and get going and be productive. I never sleep in on Sundays- I have to get to church. And I feel better on those days. 

So... This week, I just didn't try hard enough. I let myself feel down and depressed and I let myself just lay there in the bed for hours and daydream about how I wish things were... Not the entire week. Just the mornings, really...  I did a lot of good stuff, too. But too much of the week was spent on that pillow. So, there is the marble.