Not For A Moment

Not For A Moment (After All)
Meredith Andrews

You were reaching through the storm 
Walking on the water 
Even when I could not see 
In the middle of it all 
When I thought You were a thousand miles away 
Not for a moment did You forsake me 
Not for a moment did You forsake me 

CHORUS 
After all You are constant 
After all You are only good 
After all You are sovereign 
Not for a moment will You forsake me 
Not for a moment will You forsake me 

You were singing in the dark 
Whispering Your promise 
Even when I could not hear 
I was held in Your arms 
Carried for a thousand miles to show 
Not for a moment did You forsake me 

Chorus 

And every step every breath You are there 
Every tear every cry every prayer 
In my heart at my worst 
When my world falls down 
Not for a moment will You forsake me 
Even in the dark 
Even when it's hard 
You will never leave me 
After all 

Chorus

Not for a moment will You forsake me

More Beautiful You

This afternoon, I wrote W a letter. I told him everything. Everything. I sent it at exactly 2pm, and I waited in a complete panic for him to read it and say something. Or say nothing. Or never speak to me again... I just waited. The more I thought of all the things I had written- all the things I had told him, and all the shameful things I had admitted to- the more despondent I became, and the more ashamed and worthless I felt... 

As I was leaving work, W sent a text, saying something about choir. As though I had not just laid my life bare in front of him... I asked him if he had read the letter. He said he hadn't and he would read it right then... As I got in the car, I started to think that was the last time I would ever hear from him. 

This is the song that was playing when I started the car... 

"More Beautiful You"

Jonny Diaz

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine

Says she wants to look that way

But her hair isn't straight, her body isn't fake

And she's always felt overweight

Well, little girl fourteen I wish that you could see

That beauty is within your heart

And you were made with such care, your skin, your body and your hair

Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you

Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through

You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do

So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty one the things that you've already done

Anything to get ahead

And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan

Only wants what you will do instead

Well, little girl twenty one you never thought that this would come

You starve yourself to play the part

But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true

And He'll treat you like the jewel you are

There could never be a more beautiful you

Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through

You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do

So there could never be a more beautiful you, more beautiful you

So turn around you're not too far

To back away be who you are

To change your path go another way

It's not too late, you can be saved

If you feel depressed with past regrets

The shameful nights hope to forget

Can disappear, they can all be washed away

By the one who's strong, can right your wrongs

Can rid your fears dry, all your tears

And change the way you look at this big world

He will take your dark distorted view

And with His light, He will show you truth

And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

That there could never be a more beautiful you

Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through

You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do

So there could never be a more beautiful you

There could never be a more beautiful you

Rise, Shine

What I think is funny about the song that was in my head this morning is that I truly thought the words were "Rise, Shine! Let your glory fill this land!" This morning I didn't want to get out of bed. For several days, I have let anxiety paralyze me, and I haven't gotten out of bed when I should... This morning I knew I had things I needed to do, and if I allowed myself to lay there, I would just feel bad about myself later... But the anxiety makes it so hard to move... I woke up, and the very first thing I heard in my head was, "RISE! SHINE!"... It seemed a pretty clear message. :) 

Now that I have looked up the lyrics, I see that those aren't actually the words. But regardless, when I woke up this morning, what I heard was a message to GET UP and out of the bed. 

The Way
Jeremy Camp 

All creation cried out with longing
With groans only You could comprehend
And with wisdom, You always answer
And give the words of life so unfailing

And Your glory shines all around us
Your faithfulness shown for all to see
When we think of all of Your wonders
The beauty of Your plan that's been revealed
We walk in Your light, we walk in it

Shine, bright
Let Your glory fill this land
Lift high, the King of Kings and great I am
Jesus, You are the way

We can see the works of Your loving hands
With a hope and peace not made by man
When You poured out Your grace and Your mercy
And You held out Your arms so we could see
You bled for all mankind and set the captives free

Shine, bright
Let Your glory fill this land
Lift high, the King of Kings and great I am
Jesus, You are the way

I'm Worn

This was not my morning song. This is just a song that says exactly how I feel so often. This song just makes me want to cry every time I hear it. I understand all too well the feelings and the words of this song... I have said so often to W that I am just so tired. So tired of having to keep trying. So exhausted by the effort it takes to keep facing every day- to keep breathing... 



I'm Worn

I'm tired 
I'm worn 
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes 
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

I know I need 
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too week
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven come and flood my eyes 

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn 
Yeah I'm worn

Hold On To The Promises

Sometimes it's hard to keep believing
In what you can't see
That everything happens for a reason
Even the worst life brings
If you're reaching for an answer
And you don't know what to pray
Just open up the pages
Let His word be your strength

And hold on to the promises 
Hold on to the promises 
Jesus is alive so hold tight
Hold on to the promises

All things work for the good
Of those who love God
He holds back nothing that will heal you
Not even His own Son
His love is everlasting
His faithfulness unending
Oh, if God is for us who can be against us
So if you feel weak

Neither life, nor death
Could separate us
From the eternal love
Of our God who saves us

Strangely Dim

I've had all these plans piled up sky high
A thousand dreams on hold
And I don't know why,
I got a front row seat
To the longest wait
And I just can't see
Past the things I pray
Today

But when I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don't look around
Any place I'm in
Grows strangely dim

Sometimes where I stand
On this narrow road
Is in a raging storm
Or a valley low
But oh

When I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don't look around
Any place I'm in
Grows strangely dim

I don't know, I don't know
What tomorrow may hold
But I know, but I know
That You're holding it all
So no matter what may come

I'm gonna fix my eyes on all that You are
'Til every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
Let all my worries fade
And fall to the ground
I'm gonna seek Your face
And not look around
Til the place I'm in
Grows strangely, strangely, strangely dim.

All For You

This time, this place is set apart
I stand amazed at who You are
I'm overcome by what You've done, oh

I'm here right now, I need You now
I lift Your name above the doubt
This is my offering for You
For You, for You


Chorus:
‘Cause it's all for You, all for You
Every heart will proclaim
Every tongue will shout Your praise
All for You, oh, oh, oh
All for You, oh, oh, oh


I leave my burden at Your feet
In You I find my victory
There is nothing You can't do, oh

I'll live my life in Your renown 
I'll give it all and lay it down
‘Cause I owe everything to You
To You

All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are free
All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are free

‘Cause it's all for You, all for You
Every heart will proclaim
Every tongue will shout Your praise

All for You, all for You
Every heart will proclaim
Every tongue will shout Your praise

All for You, oh, oh, oh
(All will hear, all will see)
All for You, oh, oh, oh
(Love came down and we are free)

All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are free
All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are free

All will hear, all will see
Love came down and we are free

Marble 24

I made calls this week. I called several people from the rooms, and then W. I felt better each time. I still can't do it easily, but i think it was a huge step.

Music

I have always had a connection to music that not everyone can understand. To me, music is the only way to truly express my feelings. Sometimes, the words to a song are the only way I can articulate something that I have been struggling to get across. I have always known that the way I communicate with my Higher Power, God, is through music.

I discovered a long time ago that when I listed to K-Love (Christian) radio station, that it seemed that every single time I got in the car, the song that played said something that I desperately needed to hear. Sometimes, it was something I didn't want to hear, but I knew it was true... Songs about God's unconditional love, or maybe about forgiving others....

In the last few months, I have been asking God to talk to me through the music. I have prayed for Him to tell me what I need to know, and what I need to do by placing the right song on the radio at the right time. I always pay very close attention to the very first song that plays when I get in the car.

One thing I have noticed is a very, very obvious theme. Song after song, I hear that God can make all things new- that you can leave your past behind- that you are not defined by your past, or your mistakes- that God's mercy and forgiveness are bigger than anything you could have done wrong... Over and over I hear this.

Lately I have been noticing that every morning when I wake up, there is a song stuck in my head. Always a contemporary christian song, and almost never a song that I was listening to before bed, or that I even remember listening to recently. I asked God if He was placing the songs there for a reason, and if so, I would start listening carefully to what he was saying.

I have started keeping track of what song I am thinking of every morning when I wake up. Sometimes it is so obvious that He is trying to tell me something.

Marble 23

Valentine's Day. No Valentine. I was glad for that. Mr. K passed away at work. I was very sad about that. Cried for a long, long time... 

Marble 22

He just sowed up unannounced at my house. I was home from work and church, sick. Finally had a serious sit-down conversation with him and told him not to come back.

Marble 21

Learned to use Skype